The sarcasm roll

In this past week, I feel like I’ve been going on a sarcastic roll, and either it’s started because I want to drown myself in nutella because midterms are coming up fast, or because of that whole “art History is pointless” scene where I educated my prof. Actually I probably didn’t educate demon prof because she’s a really stubborn person who will resist change as long as she’s alive.

Seriously.  Demon prof was teaching my Physical Chem class about enzymes, and for some reason she mentioned that whenever she sees the ending “ase” she shudders and I almost raised my hand and asked if she hated mayonnaise.  I didn’t because earlier in that class a guys phone went off and it was playing “Carry On My Wayward Son” so I was in the corner going:

Meanwhile demon prof scolded the guy and she was all like “Did you even attend the first class when I covered cellphones??”
Guy: “probably not”

Another instance in my sarcasm roll is that one day a bio prof came into my O Chem 3 class to do a peer evaluation for my O Chem prof and she was all like “Sorry! I’m crashing your guy’s party!”
Me: “Are you even certified in party crashing?”
I only said that loud enough for my friend to hear and she started laughing.

Later in that same class, my O Chem prof was all like “If you open a can of pop why does carbon dioxide go out and never come back into the can?”
I was just about to say “It just wants to be FREE” but then somebody said the correct answer which was entropy.

ADDITIONALLY, today my O chem prof went over the molecular orbital theory for methane.  There’s only 3 people in that O chem class that has taken enough Inorganic Chem to already know what goes on and two of them were apparently grinning, because the prof noticed them looking at each other and smiling. Meanwhile I assumed that I must have had a terrified look on my face because I had tried so hard to suppress the memories of all my Inorganic Chem classes.  Anyways, so my O Chem prof said “GUESS WHAT!  You know how in first year we told you that all of the bonds in methane are the same?  WE LIED AND MOLECULAR ORBITAL THEORY PROVES THAT WE LIED!”

Then, later when he was wrapping up the methane molecular orbital theory slide, my o chem prof was all like “NOW! What’s the big take away from this slide?”
Me: *quietly* “That you lied.”

The Battle Continues

Okay so from the title you already know this is going to be about that one demon prof that taught me Transition Metals.

There’s this thing that said demon prof does…or rather doesn’t do.  For Inorganic Chem 1, 2 and Transition Metals she has never posted any answers to any of her sample midterms or finals.  So I finally had enough of it the other day and I asked her “Hey, can you just explain to me why you never post the answers to the sample material?”

This is almost word for word what she told me: “I don’t post the answers because it can better simulate the mystery that happens when you’re actually taking the test. You won’t know if you have questions right or wrong when you’re actually writing it.”

I’m sure this was my facial expression:

Believe me I argued as much as I could without doing any potential damage to my marks. I told her that not knowing if I was doing something right or wrong does not help me or anyone study for a test.  Unfortunately, the farthest I got with her was “I see your point…but I’m still not going to post the answers.”

I am surprised that I didn’t walk to the nearest wall and start smashing my head into it….or go like this:

Also, the worst part is that because I probably looked like I was screaming internally, my demon prof was laughing throughout the entire conversation.

So two can play at this game.  Well okay, I can’t really participate in this game, because I’m sure that my marks will probably suffer if I participate too enthusiastically.

Anyways, so fast forwards to today in my lab–which is turning into 3 hours where demon prof has to deal with me and my shinanegans.

So I heard demon prof saying to another student “I don’t even know what’s the point of Art History” and because of my Art minor, as soon as she said “Art” I was all like:

And I was all like “NOW HOLD ON ONE SECOND. ART HISTORY IS SO IMPORTANT.”

Demon prof: “It’s just paintings though”

Me: “BUT THERE ARE SYMBOLS IN THOSE PAINTING THAT YOU HAVE TO INTERPRET AND YOU CAN EVEN TELL EXACTLY WHAT FAMILY COMMISSION THE PAINTING AND–“

I was about to launch into my Medici and oranges speech but my prof was like “Okay, okay, I made a mistake saying that around you”

Damn straight you did make a mistake.  If she EVER happens to mention art again I am going to have a heyday and SHE WILL RECEIVE MY FULL WRATH IN THE NAME OF ART.

Winter 2015 begins

Oh my lord!  I had my first Organic Chem 3 lecture yesterday and my awesome prof talked about his son, who I call Stormagedon (Dark Lord of All), and his infant daughter.  I’ve decided that I’m going to call his daughter M, not because her name starts with a M, but because (Judi Dench’s) M from James Bond was a bad ass and also controlled MI6; while this kid obviously doesn’t control MI6, she clearly already controls my prof (she’s not even a year old, btw).  My prof opened the first day of class with a little story about his two kids and how he slammed the front door and was all like “Santa was just here!!” and Stormagedon was running around looking for Santa.  It’s just so adorable!!  It’s also beautiful to see how much my prof loves his kids.

In other news my printer choked and almost died on some Organic Chem 3 notes.  I’m not sure if I should take that as an omen of whats to come.  It didn’t help that it happened before my first O chem 3 class, and also my prof had to make the “don’t panic quite yet” speech because our labs are now worth the same weight as our midterms.  Which, granted that’s about 12.5 %, but when profs say something is worth the same as midterms, I start panicking and questioning my life choices.  Like why on earth did I choose a Chemistry major?  However, the answer is really easy: I got bored of biology, didn’t want to be a math and physics major (you can’t just major in one at my uni for math and physics), and I thought I would be blowing stuff up at this point in my academic career if I chose a Chem major.  But my disappointment in not being able to blow something up or even set something on fire is apparently typical of chemists because I’ve heard people say that chemists are never truly happy unless something is on fire…That pretty much describes about 80% of my personality.

Finally, I created a monster when I told my friends to re-imagine Macbeth, but taking death as one would in the (music) Baroque sense.  I hadn’t realized what I had created until my two friends started talking about some of the deaths in that play and then I was like “WHAT HAVE I DONE?!”